thank you from your bride

Today, I was thanking JC

how, in my life, he's made so many changes

by working through and within me

even though I'm going to Spain to acquire new languages

to experience something completely new

but I'm progressing spiritually and meeting friends

I just don't want this to end when I take my cue

to board that plane just to get back, and have to make amends

with those I've recently gotten so close to.

I love the acceptance and love I'm receiving

whether its through my mentor, parents, boyfriend,

family, or friends that I feel are not being deceiving

This Godly love is the remedy to the wound that's needed to mend

then from last semester to right now

its as if I literally fell on my face

and Jesus Christ picked me up

and showed me his sovereignty and saving grace

The beauty He has defined for me

has been hard for me to welcome

but I've tried to grasp it fully

keeping my negative thoughts seldom

Josh has helped me understand

and I know he is being real

and just offering me his hand

when I look to models who are beyond ideal

I love knowing that Diana and Amy

are right here by my side

spiritually to lift me

whether we have laughed or cried

or felt emotionally sliced

I know they will be forever friends

and forever sisters in Christ

as for my habits of last year

there are no fickle guys,

no not even a sip of beer,

or the continuous lies

that covered me with ashes

smothering the innocence

with unhealing slashes

of my past and conscience

How refreshing it is to die

to myself not to the world

and not having to constantly try

to be that perfect superficial girl

I can be Lord God's bride

in a beautiful cleansed dress

riding that riptide

riding this life at my best

Thank you

my Lord, Jesus

for your grace and virtue

that loves all of us as he sees us

my weekend

This weekend was way better than I anticipated. Around 4, Mom and I left Midland and headed towards Amarillo. On our way, right before Lubbock city limits, I spotted a light blue VW beetle. It took me about 5 minutes after deciding that I'd like Mom to turn around to have a look at it. She laughed, said okay, then asked me why it took so long to say so.

When we did get a good look at it, it was a 1974 super beetle, light blue and rustic, new motor, cyllinders, and more. The only downside, it needs cosmetic work on the inside interior, but it is worth what the asking price asks for. Excited, I called Dad and he was all for it, but we were going to come back later for more logistics.

In Amarillo, Ali and I go to The 806 coffee shop to hang out with a couple of her buddies and boyfriend. Our friend Eric North came up and hung out with us. I hadn't really gotten to talk to him since highschool. It was long after he got there that we had to leave though. I was sad to shorten our time hanging out with Eric and gulp down my great coffee, but I was glad to leave the smoke filled place taking the stench along with us. Ali and I stayed up talking just like we did our whole senior year. We shared the couch bed. I love that she is my best friend.

Saturday moring was planned and ready. The agenda:
sleep in.
take our time getting semi-ready.
go to barnes and noble around noon.
read until we get sleepy.
go eat a late lunch, free late lunch, back at Ali's house.
read a little more.
take a nap,
read.

My afternoon was amazing! Neither of us have been that relaxed in a long time.
Ali helps me get ready for the wedding, and she drops me off at 5:45 at the Civic Center where Mom is waving to let me know where to go.

The wedding was beautiful, and I really wasn't expecting to cry. Lord, knows that you just can't help shedding a few tears when you see a girl you grew up with walk down an aisle as if she were gliding down a ice and her flowing dress is made of snowflakes that trails behind her. With her thick blonde curly hair and big smile, you just know that her near-future husband just couldn't stand the anticipation of her becoming his very own bride. The ceremony was that much better because my brother sang better than I've ever heard him sing while they light the unity candle. He'll sing at my wedding. No doubt.

I got to dance with my Daddy for almost an entire song before he knew he had to catch a few important pictures. I ate wedding cake, mmmm chocolate covered strawberries, and other finger foods they had. Honestly, my favorite part of the whole wedding was dancing with my brother and Dad and getting to visit with Jacki Thompson. It was neat to see her so soon after her wedding and getting to catch up from the past 4 years.

Funniest parts:
Brad's speech.
This guy Ethan asked me to dance. You could tell it had taken him a little while to work up the nerve. We started talking as we danced, and when the song was up we weren't quite done with our conversation so he asked if I'd like to dance one more song. He asked me how old I was, and when I said nineteen, he kind of sulked a little. This made me laugh because I knew he was younger than me. I asked him the same question and he said with lowered eyes, "eighteen." I asked him about highschool and where he was going to college. It was just so funny because he was really disappointed that I was older. aweeee poor freshman!

I love weddings (:

Run and Hide.

GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!!

I don't ever run away from the things I should either face or deal with, but when it comes to this...well I think it is for the best just to run away and stay hidden from it. My thoughts would overcome my rational conversation. So off to Amarillo away from it.

the 9th

At 12:30, we headed to the Trevi Fountain.  Today was definitely a walking day.  WE zig zagged through the windy streets of Rome, trying to get the the fountain.  WE passed the colosseum, Trajoan's market ruins, and the monument Victor Emanuele taking Via dei Fori Imperiali.  WE turned onto via del Corso roaming in and out of random ancient churches.  Finally using the map, we turned right and found the Trevi Fountain.  

We sat on the lip of the fountain tossing our coins and making our wishes.  Then we moved to the marble benches to get a better view, and only to move 30 min. later to the side to lean up against the wall and read some more.  WE stayed as long as we could bear the heat, then decided to find our way to the Paneon.

This building wowed us because we felt as though we'd taken 20 steps and BAM! here is a fantastically huge historic building built in 128 AD and is the finest remaining example of ancient Roman architecture.  I loved the outside more than the inside interior.  Just the enormous script left me in curiosity for it wsant in a readable loanguage for me to understand.  

After shopping and walking through Plazas we walked straight back to the hostel only stopping twice for desert and more desert.  Back at the hostel Elizabeth and I ate our bread and cheese for dinner.  Taking a long shower I was ready bed.. 

Naples. the 8th

At 9am, we grabbed some breakfast at the train station and set off to Naples, the origin of Pizza and icecream.  Hello..Neapolitan icecream!  Because we weren't aware of the acquired reservation, the ticket man charged us 18€ each.  WE tried not letting it bother us because it was the nicest train we'd been on since Germany.

In Naples, we asked for directions for an hour at every shop until we found the infamous L'antica pizzeria "da Michele."  Now I heard about this restaurant through the book Eat Pray Love.  The pizzab was cheap and describable exactly as Liz would say, the pizza is "thin, doughy, strong, gummy, yummy, chewy, salty pizza paradise."  Even though the dough is the best thing I've ever had, the toppings just don't beat Luigi's pizza in Midland!  

The waiters took pride in the fact that I'd read the book and had heard of their place or work and life.  They showed us framed newspaper articles of Elizabeth Gilbert and her book, Julia Roberts and Brad Pitt eating there, and others.  What a treat to eat a pizza for only 5 euros in a place where such famous people had been.  I had wonderful Neapolitan icecream for desert.  I was so full and jo yous trying to eat my homemade cone dripping with this sugary mess. My hands were in the air as I waddled trying to dodge the chocolate drops that had escaped my mouth.  All the time my purse was unguarded.  Little did I know my happiness was short lived for when I got to the train station my iphone had been....pick-pocketed.

I didn't panic this time when I was in the train station and had discovered this.  I just sad down recalling the only opportunity a thief could possible have at taking what is left of mine.

Now that my car has been totaled, my little camera has been eaten by the ocean, Florence owns my canon, and Naples has possession of my last valuable, my phone, I just have nothing left to give to those who may want to take something.  

Here! Have the 20€ left in my wallet or the sweat stained shirt I'm wearing, or the tattered shorts that have survived hiking through Cinque Terra.  When I sat down I in the Naples train station all I could say was, "I do not understand." I am just not irresponsible nor have I been known to have bad luck.  The only explanation I could surface from the unfortunate events in the past 3 months is that I have been broken.  I literally have nothing left, material wise.  I haven't leaned yet the spiritual lesson yet, but hopefully I will soon know what God is trying to teach me through this.  

Distraught. Confused.  Still seeking the Lord despite this. 

The train ride was long and emotion as I listened to a song on Elizabeths ipod by Jon Foreman, your love is strong.  Then Kate let me listen to this podcast by Breakaway Ministries.  I love it.  Back in Rome, Kate and I walked around looking for an ATM, stopping at this bakery.  We bought sweets then we bought cheeses for our bread.  Back at the hostel, we played a few games of gin while listening to music just to relax. what a day.

sixth and seventh of July

In the afternoon we walked through the market once again to a specific shoe store where Kate bought these amazing berkinstocks (that I want! and will buy in a few months).  Then we literally walked through Florence as if it were a maze trying to find the Biblioteca Nazionale, but when we finally did find it and enter it, this lady said in Italian (roughly translated), "members only, no visitors, leave!"

We had walked so far. But in the mean time we had seen the David and walked up and down the tiny streets seeing the Italian life.  Even though we werent granted access to the Library, the lady told us of another public library.  We asked about a dozen people directions in order to find it, but we did eventually find the hidden thing.  We settled in this modern library each sitting on our own love seat couch comfortably to read and journal.  After a few hours we decided to leave.  Elizabeth went back to the hostel while Kate and I went back to the restaurant that wed eaten at 2 days ago.

She ordered Lasagna and I ordered this specialty plate, I dont even know how to spell.mmmm...food is God saying " I love you" every time I take a bite!

At 7:30, I walked, alone, to Plazza della Signori, leaving Kate and Elizabeth at the hostel resting. I met up with Creede Newton and his Dad.  I just knew I was going to see someone I knew here in Europe. We caught up a little and then went to get some gelato. Creede paid for mine like a gentleman. Then we three walked across Ponte Vecchio, on e of Italy's most famous bridges, built in 1345.

We walked along the street the crossed the river again by taking the Point S Trinita to take a nice picture of the famous bridge.  I walked them to the station, hugged and watched them depart just like a perfect farewell you see on the movies. 

I love seeing people I know.

Now on to the next day.  

by 10, we were showered, primped and packed.  WE checked out and walked in the direction of the train station.  WE stopped along the way for breakfast.  At 11:13, our train sped away to the ever famous Rome.  It took longer than expected because of the numerous stops we  made along the way, but we finally made it there after 3 hours.

After this long train ride we were all starving and irritable. Especially when we were confused about the direction to get to the hostel so it was taking a long time to get there with out unbearably heavy backpacks.

Honestly, I have learned a lot about myself having time to observe the reetitions of my actions, others actions and reactions,  and my frustrations, plus conversing with Kate and Elizabeth about my personality.  When it comes to directions I am good at reading maps and I have that "feeling" to know the right direction or street to take.  So when someone says to go straight, and I dont feel at about that decision I cant just be easy going and make the mistake of wondering around.  I always have to make my opinion known. "Thats not the right way...It just makes sense to go this way."  Stupid big mouth and intuition.  It is in a way my strong point and my greatest flaw.   However, when it does come to directions, I am usually right, but it causes tension!

around 2 we had already checked into our slightly disappointing but cheap hostel, unloaded, walking down the 4 flights of spiraling stairs and on to eating.   We walked for what felt like a mile to find this small pizzeria.  I got a slice of hot dog mushroom olive tomato and cheese pizza.  It was delicious!  Right on the middle of us all enjoying our meal, this lady, stick thin, came in hysterically flailing around, yelling and just making a fool of herself along with a scene.  She was entertaining, but disturbing so we scarfed our food down to leave.  WE could tell she probably had some serious mental illness. She was crazy!

We found the Colosseum with no problem, probably because its ginormous! We paid 12 painful euros for admission then climbed the ancient stairs to see the giant spectacle.  De ja vu kept hitting me remembering years ago when I had climbed on rocks with Tamren posing as statues for pictures and peeking through the holes of the crumbling walls with Kristen.  It was nice to revisit.

We walked/wondered to different churches exploring different streets and resting here and there.  From all the walking we were all dehydrated and delusional.  Everything made us laugh as if we were at a 6th grade sleepover and It was 3am and a hiccup would leave us in stitches.  

ON our way back to Hostel Beautiful (by the way on the door the "s" is peeled on so it says Ho tel Beautiful...there really isnt anything beautiful about it.).  In our room, we watched the Devil wears Prada, then had a dance party following the movie.  We danced as though we were elite free style dancers not caring just having a free spirit.  We laughed then talked for hours until we could sleep through the noisy streets of Rome.

july 5.

I woke and showered before the other girls and decided to look for my camera in the markets because they were all closed yesterday when i went back to look. I asked every man at every cart that I had even looked at their merchandise.  None had seen the camera. My heart was broken.

I saw Kate on my way back to our Plus hostel. We went and got coffee together, where I just sobbed.

Later Elizabeth gave me advil to get rid of the physical sickness I'd accumulated with this emotion.  We all got some food which helped a bit as an anecdote as well.

I knew it was going to be hard having a light spirit, but I didn't want to not see the beautiful Florence just because I didn't have a camera. At noon we wondered again through the thief market just to find ourselves standing at the feet of th emassive and towering Duoma, Campanille, and Baptistry of all baptistries.  These three historics combine to make the most eye opening green and white achitecture. 

We circled this then sat down for lunch.  Then we paraded through town to Santa Maria Novella. We paid 2€50 for admission.  I found an empty pew on the second row and sat admiring the church while Kate and Elizabeth explored every inch as if they might find Santa Maria herself.  

Although is was only 2:00 when we backtracked to our hostel, I was exhausted. The emotional drainage within the past 24 hours was really starting to take its toll.  We all hung out at the hostel for the rest of the night occupying our time by surfing the internet, sweating in the sona, breathing in the mint steam in the Turkish bath, and of course, back in our room playing around 50 games of gin.